03 Oct In Every Pew

BY MICHELLE WALLACE

A scroll down my Facebook page and anyone would think I live a charmed life. I’ll admit my life is blessed beyond measure but it’s certainly not free from struggles. Facebook’s really not the place I choose to share my stuff; I’d rather do it in community with people who are safe, who love me.

Unfortunately, some churches are a lot like Facebook, where people only show one side, the pretty side. What if I told you that in every pew is a broken person? Yes, every single one! Pastors would do well to acknowledge the truth and breed a culture of transparency rather than one that allows people to continue to hide. Truly, authenticity is a breeding ground for miracles!

Ruth Graham shares her story of brokenness. As the daughter of Billy Graham, she envisioned a fairy tale life. Yet, from the very beginning her marriage to her first husband was a challenge.

“I know what it’s like to sit in the pew with a broken heart,” Ruth said. But because she was expected to have it all together, she went with her Sunday face on and hid behind a mask.

When someone would ask, “How are you doing?” she’d say she was fine. The truth was she was breaking inside because of her husband’s infidelity. During their 18 years of marriage he’d been unfaithful, multiple times with multiple women. It really began after they were first married with pornography. He tried to bring it into their marriage by telling Ruth it was normal, that it would help their sex life. “It has no place in a marriage, said Ruth. “It really does something to undermine who you are as a person, who you are as created by God. You are a wonderful creation and it should not be marred by this evil.” She explains that even therapists will recommend it, “but it’s a very slippery slope, it has diminishing returns.” She laments that children are getting it at a young age and it’s robbing their innocence.

Her marriage was ending in divorce and she was devastated but didn’t want anyone to know.

“We mask our hardships for reasons that seem noble to us. So often while trying to work on my marriage, I wrestled with the idea that I was responsible for God’s reputation. As a member of my father’s family, I felt I had to set an example for others, keep all the rules, and make God look good,” Ruth said.

Her parents never pressured her to uphold any image, but Ruth considered her role models. “They seemed to do all the right things and, when circumstances went awry in their lives, to keep their chins up,” she noted.

Ruth wrestled with pursuing outside help with her personal life, to her, a sign of weakness, indicative as well of spiritual failure. She was ashamed and embarrassed. Ruth sank into deep depression. She’d never known anyone with depression and didn’t know the signs.

“It came to the point that one Sunday after church I’d had enough and I went home looking for razor blades. Fortunately my husband used an electric razor so there were no razor blades. But it was a wake-up call to me to say, I needed help, this was bigger than me. I couldn’t fix it, I couldn’t cover it anymore. I also realized I had three children who were depending on me. So I got help,” Ruth said. She describes a great gift that was given to her by her brother-in-law during that time, when he told her she was not going crazy. She admits she thought she was going crazy.

Ruth would go on to rebound and impulsively marry again. This time to someone who put her very life in jeopardy and that marriage ended within a few short weeks. At the end of each of these marriages she would go back to her parents’ house to the loving arms of her father welcoming her home. Unbelievably she would find herself in a third marriage ending in divorce. Her children suffered from the instability. One of her daughters struggled with bulimia; the other became pregnant twice out of wedlock, the first time at just sixteen. In college, her son struggled with drugs.

A turning point in Ruth’s life came from a message in church about Jesus’ encounter with a woman of ill repute. Jesus was eating in the home of a religious leader when the woman enters with an alabaster box of very costly perfume. The woman weeps at Jesus’ feet. She kisses and wipes her tears from his feet with her hair as she anoints them with the expensive perfume. Observing this, the religious leader says to himself, “If this man were a prophet He would know who and what sort of person this woman is who is touching Him, that she is a sinner.” (Luke 7:39)

Jesus then tells a parable about debt and forgiveness, explaining the one who’s forgiven much loves much. He turns to assure the woman her sins have been forgiven.

Ruth’s life has taken many twists and turns. Not only has she found welcome in the arms of her earthly father but her heavenly Father as the prodigal returned home. She’s learned to be still and wait on Him to avoid some of the pitfalls she made from choices in her past. She’s happily married today and her children are adults who love and serve God. Her life has been redeemed and God has changed her by His love.

What happened to the broken girl in the pew? “One day I believed I would see him bring good out of my circumstances. That was vindication,” she said. Through these experiences, through those broken places, Ruth said she has been able to reach people that she couldn’t have reached otherwise. Her vindication came through the cross of Christ—where He took all her feelings of revenge, anger, bitterness, malice and spite; He died in her place so God could do a new thing in her life.

A common post on Facebook reads: be kind because everyone you meet is going through something or fighting a battle you might not know. But, we need to know and be known. First, known by God; then by others so we can shoulder one another’s burdens and spur one another on to healing, life and truth. You might not be Billy Graham’s daughter, but as Ruth learned, our value and identity are found in Christ. You are forgiven, accepted and wildly loved by Him.

Excerpts from an interview with Ruth Graham and her book: In Every Pew Sits a Broken Heart.

If you’re struggling in your marriage go to marriagehelp.org

Connect with Michelle at HandofTheKing.com